


Professor (Sigma x Reader)

by TheNootShoot



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, College, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Past Abuse, Reader-Insert, Student Reader, Teacher-Student Relationship, professor sigma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:27:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25501351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNootShoot/pseuds/TheNootShoot
Summary: He'd been teaching for years at this university. He'd seen students come and go. He's never felt like this toward one though. (Y/n) is different...Warning:Smoking/vapingDrinkingMention of abuseMention of rape
Relationships: Sigma | Siebren de Kuiper/Reader
Comments: 14
Kudos: 45





	1. Meeting

College was the last thing on your mind to be honest. You had never really wanted to attend, fearing the environment would be too much for you to handle. However, when you realized you could major in the two things you were most interested in, you decided to give it a try. When you went to schedule classes though, you needed a filler. You decided to take an astrophysics class with Professor Siebren de Kuiper. Why it seemed like a good idea, you have no idea, but it beat having to take a more popular class that would most certainly overwhelm you. After all, too many people in an area at once did freak you out. Anxiety. A blessing and a curse.

Unfortunately, due to your financial instability, you could not afford a dorm. You had your car at least. The back seat was comfortable enough and maybe you would meet a friend who would let you stay with them and their roommate for the winter, which was approaching rather quickly.

And here you were. Walking down the hall to your first astrophysics class. It was the class right before lunch so at least you had something to look forward to. You heard a bit about Professor de Kuiper. You heard he was an absolute genius, especially in this particular field. You also heard he was actively working as a scientist outside of his teaching job, which was why his classroom took up nearly half the building on the far side of the campus. This made it just a tad bit difficult to find the room as well. It didn't help that as you walked, you looked over your notes from your previous classes.

"First day of music history and I'm asked to start writing a song for my final." You paused and looked at a small note at the bottom of the page. "Music due by midterm. Great. Hopefully music theory isn't as bad. Conducting will be fun next semester." You closed that journal and opened the other. "Social psychology was interesting. I'm just glad I took nearly every psychology class I need to major, aside from these last few."

Back in high school, you didn't want to take any classes that wouldn't aid you in the future. With some convincing, you had managed to get out of doing classes such as band a choir and instead replaced those classes with a college class. You did this all 4 years, doing a different class every semester. The four you had on your schedule now were the only ones you had not completed. You never thought you would, but you needed to be smart about your future. Being a waitress wasn't getting you anywhere right now.

"Hopefully these books are a bit more desc-"

You stopped talking when you ran into something. A small grunt left your body as you fell on your butt, dropping your notebooks and binder. It took you a second to register what had happened before looking to see what you hit. Your face turned a bit pink when you realize the thing you had run into was a person.

"Oh my, are you alright?" He asked as they looked to you.

Whoever he was, he was tall. Very tall. Your anxiety hated how tall he was, memories flooding your mind from just a few short months ago. You pushed them to the side though, giving him a nod before going to get your notebooks and binder.

"I don't recognize you. Are you new?" He asked, offering a hand to help you up.

You took it, doing your best not to drop your stuff as you stood.

"Y-yeah. Um, I'm trying to find the um, the astrophysics class. I just um...I'm not sure where I'm going." You were holding back the anxious feelings best you could. You didn't want to have a panic attack and embarrass yourself on the first day.

The man chuckled. "Well, you're in luck. I teach the class and would be happy to show you how to get there."

You had to hold back the shock. He was the professor?! Wow. What a great first impression. Running into the professor on your way to his class on the first day.

"Come. It's just a bit further down the hall." He told you and began to walk.

You hesitated a bit but followed. You tried not to walk right beside him, staying a bit behind and trying to erase what happened in your head. So many thoughts ran through your head. What if he told everyone what happened? What if he hates you now and is just hiding it?

"Right here." He showed you the open doorway to the room. "Pick a seat anywhere. I'm going to get coffee. I don't function well without it."

You quickly nodded and went into the room before he could say anything else. You for sure weren't going to sit in the front, however your thoughts stopped when you saw just how many open seats there were. Not another soul was in the room. Of course, you were nearly twenty minutes early, but your heart still skipped a beat. Seven rows, all going up. The most on the campus. No wonder he needed half a building. The classroom itself took up at least a fourth of his half!

You settled on a seat in the third row, one closer to the door in case you needed to leave quickly. It was then that you began to look over your notes from your other classes again. You figured now was a good time to start trying to figure out how to write a song in eighteen weeks.

_________________

Seven. That's how many were in this class. The smaller class, much to your liking. The largest was nearly forty-five. The only thing was, there were only two girls. You were one of the two. The other girl seemed to know the others fairly well, all of them sitting near each other and joking around. At least you didn't have to interact with them.

"Alright, if I might have your attention." Professor de Kuiper suddenly said. Silence filled the room and a smirk appeared on his face. "As you might have figured out, I am Professor de Kuiper and I will be teaching you all astrophysics for this school year."

You began writing, starting with his name so you wouldn't forget it. Like you could at this point. You added everything he spoke about, including supplies you would need and what to expect. It took him nearly half an hour to get all of it out. You made a mental note to get more notebooks, along with the extra supplies you now had to get. A soft sigh escaped your mouth. How were you going to afford all this?

"You all may socialize for the remainder of the class." He suddenly announced.

You looked at your watch. You had at least an hour left! Why would he give his students so much time to socialize?!

You watched as he went to his desk, grabbing a small stack of papers and beginning to write on them. A small realization hit you. He was a scientist so he must have science stuff to do. It made sense to do it this class period too. Fewer students meant less noise. Less noise meant it would be easier to focus.

Perhaps this could be used to your own advantage as well. A time to do homework or take a nap. After filling half a journal with notes about the class, you were ready for a nap. Not today though. You didn't want to send the wrong message. Not on the first day.

"This will be fun." You mumbled to yourself, looking to your professors desk...

Only to see he was looking right at you.


	2. Introductions

Class couldn't have gone by any slower. It felt like an eternity before the bell rang and you were dismissed. At some point in time, your professor had called a couple of the students over to his desk, talking to them for a minute before they returned to their seats. You didn't think too much of it. They acted as if they already knew him so perhaps he was just seeing how they were. You would have tried to listen in but you had slipped your earbuds in, using your playlists to come up with song ideas. Every now and then you would jot down a few notes to keep the beat in your mind.

You now walked out of the class, earbuds still in. You knew you had a lot of work to do once you had access to your laptop again. It had been years since you last wrote a song. Maybe you could finish the last one you started? You'd just have to find the sheet music first. You hadn't touched it since..well...

A sudden tap on your shoulder made you turn around, pulling a earbud out of your ear. Behind you was the girl from class. She had shoulder width blonde hair and was wearing quite a bit of makeup. You were almost certain she was the popular girl in high school.

"Hi! I'm Jane! Professor de Kuiper said you were new here and that I should get to know you." She told you.

"Oh, um, (y/n)." You gave a small nod. Is that what he had called her and the other students over for?

"Oh, and from experience. I know he makes everything sound complicated in the syllabus and all but he's actually really good at speaking stupid. I took his trigonometry class last year and passed with an A. I usually level out to a D in the simplest of classes." Jane told you. "He wanted me to explain that to you. Said you looked really nervous when he was speaking."

"Thanks." You said softly. "But I'm not nervous about that. This is my first time away from..." You paused before speaking again, "home, in a long time."

"It's alright. This place is pretty good at making you feel at home away from home. The dorms are super nice, especially the ones in the building beside this one. That's where mine is."

A rich girl. Good to know.

"Cool. Well, I've got to get my laptop and start working on stuff. I already have homework." You just didn't feel like talking to her anymore.

"Oh no problem!" Jane handed you a piece of paper. "Here's my number and social medias if you need me for anything." 

You took it and nodded. "Alright. Thanks." You simply said before putting your earbud back in and walking away.

________________

Working on the song was a bit easier than you thought. Once you had the tempo down it was just a matter of coming up with notes and words. Words were the hard part though. You couldn't seem to come up with anything that you thought would fit the song. The heat from your car didn't help. You didn't feel like being forced to eat in the cafeteria though so the heat would do for now.

"I guess words can wait." You mumbled to yourself after a bit. You had the melody of the song at least and still needed to get a harmony and instruments in there and had the entire school year to come up with words. You looked at your phone to check the time. "Half an hour until my next class. Nothing wrong with showing up early I guess."

You packed up your laptop, deciding to take it with you. At least now, you could start working on getting the rest of your project when you have time. You did have a break between this class and your last one for the day. Maybe you could work in the library. That or find stuff to read.

_________

Once you made it to the library, it was very empty. Second class after lunch was when most students were in class. The few that didn't were most likely in their dorms. They were lucky.

"Alright. Let's see what I can do." You said softly to yourself as you sat at a table.

Instantly, you put your earbuds in, deciding to experiment with a few sounds you had made previously. Unfortunately, as you worked with them, you realized that they didn't fit what you had in mind and couldn't be edited to do so.

You were so focused that you didn't realize someone had been approaching you. A sudden hand on your shoulder startled you and, out of habit, you curled up in a ball, shielding your head. Your earbuds fell out in the process.

"I'm sorry!" You yelled, not knowing who it was.

"Whoa. It's alright. I promise, I don't hit my students."

It was Professor de Kuiper.

You slowly came out of your defensive position, looking to your professor. He looked about as tense as you, hands up as his body leaned back slightly to show he meant no harm. Great. Two in one day.

"Oh, I-I'm sorry professor." You looked down for a moment before going back to your computer.

It was silent for a moment before he set a book down beside you. "This has helped some of my students in the past. I can see you have not taken any classes recommended to take before astrophysics."

"Thank you. I'll go through it when I have a free moment this week." Your voice was a bit shaky. You couldn't believe you did that. You thought you had gotten over it.

"I appreciate it." He moved so you could see him, standing behind a chair. "And, if you ever need to talk about anything going on, our guidance counselor is available to talk anytime."

"Thanks for the offer but I'm fine, really." You told him, grabbing your earbuds to put them back in.

He gave you a nod before leaving, stopping to talk to the librarian before he left though. You could only imagine what he had to be telling her. I mean, who could just leave after making a student scream in fear. 

Maybe college wasn't right for you.


	3. Feel Something

The air was beginning to get crisp against your skin. Fall had quickly approached, meaning you only had a couple more months until winter. There were ten more weeks until winter break, so ten more weeks until your music project was due...Three weeks until your first presentation in social psychology, three days to complete a seven page essay in personality psychology, and you had a speech to give in your abnormal psychology class today. Your least stressful class right now is your music conducting class. The teacher there was rather nice and did more showing videos and checking to see if you were taking good notes.

Oddly enough, Professor de Kuiper was one of the most sympathetic people you had met. He made sure all of his students were okay and did everything he could to help. He had noticed you looking rather stressed as time progressed and offered to help you in the library with whatever class you need help with. Best he could at least. You let him help too. Just, not with your music. You didn't really want him to know you were planning to major in music as well as psychology. Mostly because you had been told most of your life that your dream to be a music major was pointless and you'd never get anywhere with a degree like that.

"Are you alright Miss (L/n)?" The familiar voice of your professor snapped you out of your thoughts.

"Yeah. Just, working really hard to finish this up." You told him, reviewing your speech once more. "You'd think it would be easier to memorize this since I wrote it but I keep finding things that need fixed so I almost start from square one over and over."

The two of you sat in the library, reviewing your speech for next period. It was a well written speech but you weren't confident in it. It always seemed like something was incorrect or inaccurate. That was just your thinking though. You couldn't help but think everything you did wasn't going to get you a passing grade. You were confident you would fail.

"I've told you, (y/n), the speech is fine. I've read it over twice today. Even the grammar is practically perfect." He assured you. "Just, say it to me."

You shook your head. "No, I can't. It's not okay. I-I have to change the ending again."

He placed a hand on your shoulder. "(Y/n). It's fine."

You stared at your professor for a hot minute. He seemed to be rather sincere about this, as he always was. You always doubted yourself and your abilities though. It wasn't like you could help it though.

"Say it. I'll follow along."

You took a breath, deciding not to argue with him. He always won anyway. How he managed to win, you had no idea. You knew almost every psychological trick to win and yet, he still always got to your head.

"O-Okay professor." You half whisper, taking another breath before starting to state, word for word, was was written down on your paper.

God it hurt to do this. It brought back memories from your middle school years; back when your father made you do this all the time. He knew he was doing wrong to you. He knew he was beating you and leaving marks. He would make you write stories to tell. You'd sit in the living room, citing word for word what you had written on a piece of paper. The story you would tell any and every student and staff member to cross your path. If you messed up, you had to add more to it. Not because he wanted you to, but because you would have to now explain the new cut or bruise on your body.

You didn't register the tears. You were too focused on getting this done that you hadn't noticed them sliding down your face. Your professor had though. He didn't say anything, pretending he was still following along. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't concerned. This isn't the first time you've broken down over something like this. Frankly, you break down over the simplest of things. He's seen you silently cry when you get an answer wrong in class, as if it were the end of the world.

It wasn't until you finished that you felt the wetness on your cheeks. You quickly wiped the tears in a poor attempt to hide the fact that you were crying. The last thing you wanted to do was explain to the school guidance counselor what was wrong. You knew that's where he would send you if he felt something was up.

"See? I told you, it's fine." He suddenly said, pretending he hadn't noticed your crying. "I wish I could be there to see you do this but I've got some work to attend to."

You gave an understanding nod. You had been asking him if he could attend when you gave the speech for a couple weeks now. You noticed you did better when he was around, most likely because you knew he wasn't judging you over anything. He knew you were just a student trying to get by.

"You'll do great though." He shot you a smile before looking to his watch. "I best get going. Five minutes until this period ends."

You nodded again, gathering your things for your next class. You felt so unprepared. You'd gone over everything so many times, and yet, you felt as if you'd never even started. Nerves. It had to be nerves. But you shouldn't be this nervous. He's gone. He can't hurt you if you mess up. Not anymore...

___________

"Going first is Miss (Y/n)."

Those were the only words you could register as you made your way to the front of the class. After that, you only heard her voice. You couldn't make out words, just her voice. Your heart raced. The words I'm not ready repeated in your mind. You were going to mess up. You knew it. Everyone would see and hate you. They'd smack you in the back of the head and tell you how much of an idiot you were for not stating word for word what you had written. You knew it.

"Whenever you're ready."

_I'm not...I'm not ready._

You took a breath and did your best to stop yourself from shaking. You felt the tears in your eyes and forced them back. You couldn't do this but...you had to. You promised Professor de Kuiper you wouldn't back down and you'd stay strong.

You looked up from the ground, heart stopping for a hot second. Sitting in the front row near the door...he was there! He said he wouldn't be there but he was! Your muscles relaxed just a bit, staring right at him. He looked eager to hear your speech, despite having heart it over and over again. So you began to speak. You began to say what you had written, word for word. Your only flaw; you never took your eyes off him. You were afraid what would happen if you looked away.

______________

You couldn't believe this was happening. You thought today would be normal. Guess not. You see, after giving your speech, you were asked to gather your things and go with Professor de Kuiper. You weren't sure what was going on.

"Don't look so tense. You aren't in trouble." He suddenly told you. You looked to your professor. He stood at least two feet taller than you so you didn't bother trying to look all the way up. "I just want to talk."

Your heart dropped. No. He was going to get information out of you and send you to the counselor and everything would just get worse! You'd surely be killed for this! You wanted to stop ant just turn around right then and there but your legs kept walking beside him. Why couldn't you stop?

Eventually, you two made it to his office, located near his desk. Inside was really nice, everything being well organized and very clean. There were two doors. One leading to the classroom, the other to his lab. The window on the door to his lab was covered though. In front of his desk was a small sofa, decorated with a couple pillows.

"Sit." He told you, closing the door.

You didn't hesitate. Your father was only a little taller than you and did so much to hurt you. God only knows what could happen if you did something to enrage your professor...

He walked to his desk and sat down, letting out a sigh. "Just know, no matter what you tell me, I will not tell anyone else. Even if I think I need to, I won't."

You've heard that one before.

"But I need to know if you're okay. I've noticed you break easily under the slightest amounts of pressure and tend to stray from befriending any of the students. You socially distance yourself from everyone."

You looked down, trying so hard not to cry. You knew you weren't okay and you knew you couldn't keep saying you were okay much longer. Your body trembled, your mind now flooded with everything. It will never end. You'll never get out.

"No..."

That was all your managed to get out before your emotions took over. Tears poured from your eyes like waterfalls and you struggled to hold in the sobs. You heard him get up and walk to the spot beside you.

"Take your time." He said softly.

You couldn't hold it in anymore. The years of pain. The years of helplessness. The years of torture. You practically screamed, tears coming out faster than before. You didn't realize it at the time, but you had thrown yourself right into your professor, hugging him tight while you sobbed into his chest. Your sobs were muffled, but your trembling body told him this would last a while. He gently wrapped his arms around you, rubbing your back as he hushed you. In all his years of teaching, he'd never seen a student break down like this. You looked at if your world was collapsing. It broke his heart. An all A student, top of the class, never turns anything in late, never late to class, always over prepared, and yet, so broken.

It took nearly half an hour for you to calm down enough to talk. The tears didn't stop though. They kept coming. You hiccuped as you tried to catch your breath. Your professor handed you a box of tissues before getting up and grabbing a water bottle from the mini fridge under his desk. He knew you'd need it.

"If you need a Tylenol or Ibuprofen let me know." He said as he handed you the water.

You nodded, opening the bottle and taking a sip. You had never realized how broken you really were until now. Had you really been hurt that bad? So bad that you were breaking down in front of your prof-

"Oh my God I'm so sorry!" You suddenly yelped, seeing you had soaked the front of his shirt.

He shook his head. "Don't worry about it. You needed to let that out."

You looked down. It felt so nice to be held when you were crying. You felt human. You couldn't remember the last time someone gave you a hug. Had you ever even gotten one? Hesitantly, you reached for another hug, a small smile appearing on your face when he accepted. You felt safe. God you couldn't remember the last time you felt safe.

"I've been abused for as long as I can remember." You whispered. "I can't remember the last time I've felt a hug...Let alone this safe..."

"It's alright. I understand."

"P-Professor-"

"Please, call me Siebren."

"S-Siebren...If I tell you what happened...You won't tell anyone?"

"Promise."

You shifted so you weren't hugging him anymore. You wiped your eyes, sitting straight up as you did your best to catch your breath.

"It all started when mom passed away..."


	4. Closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triggers include:
> 
> Past abuse/mention of rape, smoking/vaping, suicidal thoughts

A week had passed since that day. You and Professor de Kuiper - er - Siebren, had grown closer. He always made sure you were okay, "accidentally" forgetting to give you an assignment or two in that time. It helped take your stress away, and you sure as hell felt a lot better than before, but you knew it wasn't over. After all, your dad still lingered in your mind.

Your mind always went back to the first incident. You didn't know it was abuse at the time though. It wasn't until you entered middle school that you realized something was wrong. You thought everyone else was dragged around their house by their hair. You thought everyone had a paddle on the wall in case they were bad. You thought everyone had to throw away or burn every drawing they made and every coloring book they owned when they didn't get perfect scores on their school work. It was all you knew, dating as far back as kindergarten. At least that's what you remember.

"Are you certain? I can bring you back something."

Why was he so damn nice to you?

"No thanks professor. I know I don't eat a lot but if I force myself to, I'll get sick." You had to force a smile. "I'd rather focus on saving enough money for a dorm. Winter will be hectic otherwise."

Siebren sighed, slightly frustrated, but he understood. "Alright (y/n). Stay safe." He then headed out to the parking lot to drive off campus for lunch.

You headed for your car. You spent a lot of time there. It was very comforting in there, especially when you were at a low. Like right now. Sure, it felt good to get stuff off your chest about your dad, but you didn't get it all out. There was so much you still needed to tell him. God why did you want to tell your professor everything? Why couldn't you just talk to the damn counselor? It's not like Siebren was able to help you. He barely knew anything about the human mind!

You grabbed your vape from the center console, taking a puff and letting the smoke fill the air around you. You hated this habit of yours, but you couldn't help it. You didn't know how else to escape. Drugs were definitely a no. Alcohol...Well, that was for the very low times. The moments you wanted to forget the next day. Smoking was what you had found useful, but you went through cigarettes so quickly and they were getting more and more expensive. Vaping. That was your comfort now.

"God dammit..." You mumbled to yourself. "Why won't you just go away?"

More smoke filled the air, and your lungs. You wanted out of this all. You'd considered this multiple times before, but right now, it was so strong. Nicotine was killing you slowly but you wanted that death to come sooner. You wanted it now. You wanted the pain to go away. You wanted the world to disappear with your memories.

More smoke.

The tears came back. Not nearly as bad as last week, but by God's name they were bad. Your body began to shake. His voice appeared in your mind. The same words over and over again. _I would never hurt you baby girl. You just have to listen and do what I say. If you don't, you'll wish you were dead._ And you always listened to him. You God forsaken abusive father. The only male figure in your life from the moment your mother passed until..well...until you met Siebren. Your father made sure you never had or came into contact with a male teacher. He wanted no one else to top him. He only wanted you to know him and love, no, worship him. He'd do everything he could to make it happen.

"Go away..."

That night was one you would never forget. You thought you were free. You weren't. In school, you had met a boy. He was nice to you. Nicer than your father had been. At least you thought. You gave him all your love, eventually letting his existence known in front of your dad. The rage you saw...You'll never get over that. The breaking of the bottle on your head. The feeling of the belt against your face and body. The reopening of wounds. You remember it all. But above all, you remember the gun. That gun was your savior and nightmare. You never thought you'd be held at gunpoint by your own father. Yet you had been. And when he pulled the trigger...

Your hand moved to your neck, a visible scar where the bullet had sliced you open.

That same gun is what killed your father. After shooting you, he turned the gun to himself, sticking it in his mouth and pulling the trigger without hesitation. You regret crying so much over him, but he was all you knew. You were lucky your boyfriend had been planning to sneak in the house. He was the one who found the both of you. He was the reason you were alive today. You wish he hadn't come. You went to live with him when you got out of the hospital. He was worse than your dad. The countless times you were beaten by him because you wouldn't strip. The endless pain you felt as he strapped you down on the bed, your lower half bleeding from the forced penetration.

You were only seventeen when all that happened. One day, you were watching your dad die, the next, being raped by the man you thought loved you.

You didn't realize how bad you'd been shaking until now. You couldn't even keep your vape steady enough in your hands to keep it in your mouth. Why? Why did this have to happen to you? Why couldn't you just move on?

_Bzzz bzzz_

You looked down to your phone, which was on the seat beside you. A caller ID was on your screen. One you were all too familiar with. You didn't dare ignore it, immediately picking up the phone and answering.

"Hi love." You cringed at how good you were at hiding your emotions from him.

"Hi baby girl. Just really missing the sound of your voice. God I wish I could just pin you to the wall and shove my di-"

"Yeah-yeah. I know." You really didn't want to hear that right now. "I miss you too. Can't wait to come home."

"You better be here for Christmas break or I'll make your ass light up, you hear?"

You gripped your baggy sweatpants to keep yourself from letting it all out. You wanted out of this. You wanted to just say it was over and move on. But you couldn't leave. You couldn't bear to see him accept the same fate your father had.

_What is wrong with me?_

"Yes sir. I will be at your house, ready to do as you wish."

"That's my girl. Now, can you video call? I need to see you naked so I can relieve myself of a little scratch~"

You gulped and looked at the time. "S-Sorry but the bell is going to ring in less than thirty seconds. Tonight for sure, okay? I'll do whatever you want me to."

He chuckled over the phone. "You better get ready then."

And he hung up.

That was it. You didn't want to do this. You couldn't. But you couldn't leave. God why?

"Why me?"

You looked to your phone, scrolling through your contacts. Maybe he could help. He had to be able to, right? He helped you before. I mean, he doesn't know everything but he knows enough.

You stopped on the contact "Professor de Kuiper" and tapped it. The options popped up. Call, message, video call. God did you really want to do this. He didn't even know about Derek or your father killing himself. He only knew the pain you endured growing up. The things you were forced to do. You couldn't keep this to yourself though. You only had one more quarter before break and you wanted nothing more than to stay here. You wanted to feel safe. You wanted to stay with Siebren...

"Hello? Is everything alright?"

You hadn't realized you pressed the call option.

"O-oh, um, yeah...Sorry..C-can we talk soon?" Your emotions were slipping. It was painfully obvious something was wrong.

"Of course. I'll see you in my office during your study time." He sounded relieved. Had he wanted you to talk to him?

"Thank you...I-I have to go...I'll s..see you then..." You then hung up, not giving him time to talk. You had to tell him everything...You needed to feel his arms around you again...You needed him.

_______________

"Then stay with me."

Those words played over and over again in your mind.

You had told him everything that had happened in your car. The thoughts that flowed through your mind, your father killing himself, the rape and abuse from your current boyfriend, the trapped feeling you felt, and the fear. God you emphasized your fear. You almost felt bad telling Siebren. He's probably never seen anyone so afraid in his life.

You did feel his embrace. It's where you were now, and where you had been when he offered to let you stay with him for the break. Yes, he really did say that.

"I know it is unprofessional of me, but I do fear for you. I fear if you leave, you may not come back in one piece."

You just nodded, face pressed against his chest. You could feel his chest rising and falling with each breath. You could hear each breath too. And his heartbeat. It had increased a bit since you had told him everything. Was it because he was fearful?

"I-I know...I really w...I want to..." You couldn't help the hiccups at this point. "I feel s-safe..."

"I know. Just breathe. Like we've been practicing."

You nodded and did your beast to steady your breathing. In your nose, out your mouth. You would think, after nearly five years of taking psychology classes, that you'd be better at calming yourself. Guess not.

"I'll make sure he doesn't get you. Okay?" He shifted to look down at you. "Don't answer next time he calls. If he threatens you, tell me. I'll take care of it."

You nodded, tightening your grip on Siebren. You felt him begin to rub your back in an attempt to comfort you. It worked to an extent, but nothing major. It was enough to allow control over your emotions again. You didn't know why he, of all people, was so helpful, nor did you know why he was so eager to help and comfort you, but you loved it. You loved feeling this safe. You'd never felt so safe.

"You mentioned saving for a dorm earlier today. Do you not have a place to stay on campus?" He suddenly asked.

You shook your head. "I live in my car. Jane lets me go to her dorm to shower and what not whenever I feel dirty but, that's the closest it gets for me. Being a waitress doesn't get me very far but no one else will hire me."

He let out a frustrated sigh before speaking. "I have a guest bedroom you could stay in until you save enough money. It's getting rather chilly and I don't wish to see you getting sick, especially if your car is the only place you can rest."

_Why are you so nice to me?_

"Oh, um, thank you professor...I appreciate it."

You didn't show it at all, but you were beyond excited. A warm house, a bed, food that wasn't three days old. It was a luxury on your part.

The bell then rang.

You looked up at your professor, a small smile on your face. You were relieved. Someone cared about you. Someone genuinely cared about you. With a bit of effort, you got up, grabbing your things as your professor began to gather his own things. You walked to the door, opening it and stepping about halfway out before stopping.

"Thank you so much Siebren. I hope I can repay you someday." You happily told him before finally leaving.

Had you stayed just a second more, you would have seen his face turn a little pink.


	5. A Formed Bond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/n) Sorry this chapter is a bit shorter but I'm trying to work my way to the good stuff without skipping ahead too much and it's not working!

The drive to Siebren's house was quick. You had followed him there, via his instructions, arriving within five minutes. His house was oddly average sized. You expected him to have a mansion of some sort. Everyone knew he was a millionaire. Companies literally paid him to do research. Hell you were certain NASA was donating enough to pay his bills!

"Sorry if the house is a mess. I haven't really cleaned up in a while." He quickly apologized after opening the door. He stepped out of your way, allowing you to go in first. "After you."

You gave him a slight not, stepping into the house. It was actually rather tidy, much like his office. There was a set of stairs to the right, living room to the left. He did have some really nice things. What surprised you most was how new it looked. No wallpaper falling off the wall. No mold on the ceiling and hiding in the corners. Clean. 

"Wow." You smiled. "This is...a luxury."

Siebren chuckled, "It's not much."

You turned to him, the biggest smile on your face. Realization was hitting you. "I've never been inside a house this nice! I-it's amazing!"

He laughed a little bit and closed the door behind him. He was amused at how excited you were about his home. The way you looked around with the brightest smile. It was precious. Almost hard to believe just a few short hours ago, you were having a mental breakdown.

"Come on. I'll show you the guest bedroom." He suddenly said after hanging his coat up.

You nodded and followed him up the stairs. God this house was so nice compared to your one bed one bath house you grew up in. Having to share a room with your dad was rough and to this day, you wished you had said something to someone about it.

As suspected, the room was also rather big, a queen sized bed was in the center with a nightstand to the right by the window. Everything was neatly placed and clean. You nearly pinched yourself. There was no way this was real. No way! This was all to yourself?! Your own room! Your own personal space!

You dropped your stuff on the floor and hugged Siebren tight. "Thank you professor! I've never had my own space before! This is amazing!"

He couldn't help but hug you back, chuckling softly. Cute. That's what he thought of you right now. You were so cute. Your smile was cute. Your happy voice was cute. You were cute. Absolutely precious.

"I know. Now get yourself settled in while I start on dinner." He told you.

You nodded and grabbed your things from the floor, bringing them to the bed to see what you had. You knew everything would need washed but it was best to go through it all first. You didn't notice your professor watching you for a second. Just seeing you happy made him get butterflies. It was a nice feeling.

____________

For a decent hour or so, you sat on the bed. You had your laptop up, working on getting your song made. You had everything now. All the melodies, harmonies, instruments. Just no words yet. You did love how it was coming along though. It was a more upbeat song with just a hint of the relaxing tone. Not quite something to dance to but not quite something to just sit and listen to either.

A light knock on the open door made you look up from your work. You smiled when you saw Siebren standing there and took your earbuds out of your ears.

"Time for dinner." He said to you.

Your smile grew bigger and you saved your file before closing your laptop and hopping off the bed to head downstairs. For the first time in your life, you were comfortable. You felt safe and happy. It felt nice.

The second you got downstairs, the smell filled the air. It smelled like heaven.

"I made krokets. I figured you would not like herring." He said to you and handed you a plate with a few small krokets on it. "There's more on top of the stove if you would like more. I didn't give you a lot to start off just in case you don't like them."

You nodded and went to take a seat at the dining room table. At this point, you were certain this would taste as good as it smelled. There was no way it wouldn't.

"Just be careful, they are hot."

You nodded and took a bite, being cautious as to not burn your mouth. You were right. It tasted as good as it smelled if not better. It was fantastic! You'd never had something so good in your life! If they weren't so hot, you definitely would have scarfed them down.

Siebren sat down across from you, his herring with onions on his plate. You couldn't help but watch the Dutch man as he lifted it up by the tail and took a bite. For some reason, it was intriguing. You didn't stare too long though, going back to focusing on your own food. Once that was done, you went up to get more.

"You like them?" Siebren asked, a smile on his face.

You quickly nodded, half a kroket in your mouth. You didn't care if you looked silly right now. You had never had something this good. Nor can you say you've ever been able to eat this much. It felt nice. Good food. Good house. Better company.

Siebren definitely felt the butterflies again. He absolutely loved seeing you like this -- especially after seeing you at one of your lowest points. He loved knowing he was able to make you smile and feel this happy over something as simple as food.

"Can you reheat these? I want to take some with me to work tomorrow." You suddenly asked him, snapping him back into reality.

"Hm? OH!-Yes, of course! I'll make sure to save some for you!"

You couldn't be happier to hear those words. Not just that you could take these to work, but that he was saving some for you. God you couldn't help the bubbly feeling now. Happy. You felt happy. For the first time since God knows when, you felt happy!

"Thank you so much!" You were just lighting up right now.

This had to be one of the best days of your life.

___________

After dinner, you helped clean up before heading upstairs to get your pajamas on. Alone. No one watching you. Goddammit it felt amazing! No eyes on you as you undressed. A room to yourself. Food that didn't taste like it had been in the trash all day. Paradise.

The day couldn't have been better either. It was Friday, so you could sleep in tomorrow! That's when it hit you. You could take a hot shower tomorrow and not have to worry about anything! Yeah sure it was nice to shower at Jane's dorm but she always seemed to silently rush you. There was no way your professor would rush you. Oh what a day tomorrow would be.

"(Y/n), I'm heading to bed. If you need anything, I'm across the hall." Siebren suddenly said from the other side of the door.

"Alright. Thank again for letting me stay!" You still sounded so happy.

"Anytime. Goodnight!"

"Goodnight professor!"

You couldn't help but feel giddy about all of this. It was happening! You were living a dream! Well, somewhat. Your dream was to have a house of your own, much like this one but smaller. After all, you thought you would be living alone in your future. You didn't really want another boyfriend, fearing you would be treated like crap again, so why not just live alone?

It suddenly hit you.

"I've got it!" You practically shouted, silently apologizing afterward as you grabbed a pen and paper.

You finally had the words to your song.


	6. Trials

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the skip but nothing really interesting has happened between the last chapter and this one.

This was it. The last day of the first semester. It had been an interesting time for you. For once in your life, you were starting to figure out who you were. Who you really were. It wasn't just being at college though. Professor de Kuiper was a huge help in your change. He was your shoulder to cry on and your go to for just about everything. Including housing. Yes, you now stayed with your professor since you couldn't afford a dorm. He was great company, always having something to say or do. You couldn't count the number of times you two had played board games instead of doing work, or stayed up until one in the morning talking about anything that comes to mind. It felt nice. You just felt a bit bad. You had yet to break your vaping habit, often smoking near the open window after he had gone to bed or went out for groceries. You wanted to stop but couldn't, and you didn't want to tell him about your habit.

Now, however, you stood at the doors that lead in an out of the school. The final bell had sounded and everyone else had left. Not you though. You didn't want to leave. Derek was waiting at his house. He was waiting for you to come in the front door by tomorrow evening. You knew he'd be pissed if you didn't show up. God, what would he do to you? Siebren wouldn't be able to protected you...Would he?

"You coming?" A familiar voice suddenly asked, making you jump. "Easy. It's just me."

"S-sorry Siebren. Just...Overthinking again. You know how I am." You faked a laugh to keep him from worrying.

He shot you a look to show he wasn't buying it. You should have known this was going to happen. He knew you too well at this point, and you weren't very good at hiding things around him.

"We'll talk when we get home." He said before beginning to walk to his car. You followed, of course. He was now your ride to and from school to save you some gas money. "You can't keep hiding things. Remember, you can always talk to me."

"I know professor. I'm just adjusting to this. I've never been able to talk to someone about everything before." You shot him a quick smile, even though you knew he wouldn't see. "Its...nice."

A soft chuckle came from him. You couldn't see, but you could feel the smile on his face. It was the little moments like this. These were the ones that made you want to stay close to him. Why you felt safe around him. Even in the smallest moments, he didn't change. He didn't fake being polite and be someone completely different behind your back. He was himself.

"I'm glad to hear that." He paused to get in his car, waiting until you were in the passenger's seat before speaking again. "You've become so much happier in the past few weeks. I'm proud of you."

Those words made your heart flutter. He was happy because you were happy! How sweet of him! No one had ever said that to you before!

"Thank you. I've really been working to improve on myself." You smiled. "You helped me a lot."

You noticed his face turn a little pink. This happened quite often actually. You always pretended not to notice though. You were certain your professor wasn't doing it for no reason. It was uncontrollable and usually meant something.

Siebren simply cleared his throat before getting a thanks out and starting the drive home. As usual, you put your earbuds in and listened to your playlist. It had changed quite a bit, especially the past few days. Your new music interest did help out with your music classes though. It's also what made you start to really put together your song.

You had a bit of a twist up your sleeve though. You knew something no one else in your class did when it came to lyrics. You were certain this would make it very hard for them to steal your song. After all, it had happened to students in the past. You would just need to do a lot of harmonizing with yourself. You could probably get that done tonight after work while Siebren is asleep. You were a bit self conscious about your voice.

____________

Why? Of all the nights this could happen, it had to be tonight? It was sleeting like crazy, the weather being too hot for snow but too cold for rain. God it was frustrating. Not the fact that it was sleeting, but because you were sprinting in it. Your car had finally bit the dust and your phone was dead so you had no way to call anyone. For at least ten minutes now you had been going between running and walking, not wanting to stop to catch your breath. To make matters worse, you didn't wear a coat.

At least you were there now. Siebren's house. You were freezing, whole body soaked. You felt like an idiot, but what could you do? It was your own fault.

You were surprised to see the door already open as you stepped onto the porch. Siebren stood there, a very worries expression on his face. You were happy to see he had been worried but also felt bad.

"Where were you? I thought something happened! I-I tried calling and you didn't answer!"

Why was he so worried though? You were still just a student and for all he knew, you could have just been running over at work! Well. Maybe not at 11:30 at night.

"M-my phone died a-and my car bit the dust." You were shivering pretty bad.

He didn't hesitate to move out of the way to let you in. As you walked past him, he slipped an arm around your waist, the other on your arm.

"Here, come in. Let me make you some tea to warm you up." He paused. "Why don't you get changed while I do so?"

"All my clothes are in the washer. I threw them in before I left for work..." You felt really awkward now.

Siebren sighed softly, looking around as if the solution was written on the walls. You just shivered from both the cold and the way he was touching you. You knew it wasn't bad but right now you just felt awkward.

"Just...Go take a hot shower. I'll find something for you to wear." He suddenly said and removed his hands.

You just nodded and went up to the bathroom attached to your room. You made sure to lock the door, feeling very uncomfortable for some reason. Maybe it was because Derek held you like that a lot...Derek...He didn't know you weren't coming...He was going to be pissed...

You turned on the shower, hoping the warmth would distract you from the thoughts in your mind. You needed a distraction right about now. An escape from the world. You threw all your wet clothes to the side to be washed later before stepping into the shower. Warm. God it felt so nice. The warm water against your skin. It reminded you of an embrace. A warm, comforting embrace...The only embrace you'd ever been given...

"Oh God no." You mumbled to yourself. "He's...No, no..."

But you couldn't help it. Your mind wouldn't let you stop thinking about it. The feeling of your professor's arms around you in a protective manner. The way his heartbeat always stayed consistent, a steady beat. And listening to him breathing. Why? Why was that so appealing to you now? Why did you want...him...so bad? He was your professor!

"Stop...Just...Be normal (y/n)..." You said to yourself. "You don't need him...You don't..."

The thoughts came back. Only, different. He was hugging you, but from behind. You were leaning back against him, a smile on your face. You were fantasizing about you and your professor!

"Oh hell no!" You yelled and immediately turned off the water, stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around yourself. The air was cold, but you didn't care. "Never again...Never again..."

Without thinking, you walked out of the bathroom. You were lucky Siebren wasn't in there, but evidence shows he had been. There was a sweater on the bed. One of his sweaters. Oh God. After what you were just fantasizing about, you weren't sure if you even wanted to put it on. But it would be much more awkward to go in a towel.

You sighed and went to your drawer, grabbing a clean pair of underwear and a bra and taking them to the bed. Those were the only two things you always had clean. Probably because you kept them in abundance, unlike your other clothes. You quickly slipped your undergarments on, leaving the towel on the ground as you looked at the sweater. It might as well have been a dress. It was almost to your knees and it wasn't even on you! 

"Well, gotta do what you gotta do." You mumbled to yourself and slipped it on. God it was so big! It couldn't even stay on both of your shoulders! "Oh God."

You fiddled with it a bit, trying to make it work. Nothing was appropriate though. You decided to just let one shoulder show. It's just a shoulder, right? Nothing revealing or anything like that. It's not like you had a choice. It wasn't your fault his clothes were so big on you! You sighed and exited the room, heading downstairs to grab a snack.

_I hope he went to bed._

You didn't want him to see you like this. Not after...that...

Yet there he was in the kitchen making tea. Goddammit. Of course he was making you tea at almost midnight! Only he would be doing that! Why? Because he cared about you! Why did he care so much about you?

"Feel better?"

His voice gave you a heart attack but also made your heart flutter. Why did it do that? You hear that voice every day. Why, now, is it suddenly something big? 

_God just make this stop. Make the feelings go away and make them go quick._

"I guess. Just looking for a snack before I hit the hay." You said softly.

He turned around and handed you a cup of tea. You took it, pretending to be grateful for it. You didn't know what else to do. If you acted suspicious you'd have to tell him what happened and you sure as hell didn't want to do that. How were you supposed to tell him that when he knows you have a boyfriend?!

You said a quick thanks, grabbing a bag of chips from the cupboard before starting to head toward the stairs. You heard a chuckle behind you but you ignored it. You didn't want to see him right now. You just wanted to retreat to your room and sleep this off. You knew it wasn't going to happen though. You set the chips on the nightstand and took a sip of the tea. It was made _exactly_ how you like it.

"Dammit!" You yelled, a bit louder than you liked. In all his years on teaching, why were you so different? Why did you stand out but not anyone else? What made you so special? 

_Why me..._


	7. Temptations

You felt lucky he wasn't there the next morning. He always went for a morning run to the gym when he didn't work -- meaning he would be doing this every day of break. You quickly went to throw your laundry in the dryer, wanting out of this sweater. You loved it and hated it. Well, you didn't hate the sweater itself. You hated the thoughts that came with it. The though of wanting his attention...His affection...Him. It felt wrong. Very wrong. Why did you even feel this way? He was your damn professor!

"Just breathe (y/n). You can just...Make them go away. Don't think about that stuff. Think about...ummm..." You felt stupid talking to yourself about this, but you really didn't feel you had much of a choice. "Well, um, guess I can't think of anyone." You sighed and looked at the time. 10:30. He'd be home soon. "Dammit."

You decided to just wait in your room for your laundry to be done, not wanting to bump into him at all. That was the last thing you needed. You started heading up from the laundry room, which was in the basement. Your heart rate was up a bit, most likely from nerves. And you had to spend the entire winter break like this.

You froze once you reached the living room. He was home. You couldn't keep your eyes off him. His tight muscle shirt showing just how much he really worked out. His shorts somehow emphasized just how long his legs were. The worst part was, he actually looked pretty damn hot.

"Hi (y/n). Sorry, I'm a bit later than I usually am." He hung his winter coat on the coat rack, taking a drink from his water bottle before talking again. "I decided to run a little extra today."

You managed to nod. "I-it's fine professor. I woke up late anyway." By now, your face and ears felt hot. "I was, um, on my way to get food."

Siebren chuckled softly and set his shoes beside the door. "Alright. Let me know if you need anything. I'm getting groceries this afternoon."

You made a mental note to make a list of snacks to keep in your room. While you greatly enjoyed what he made, you also missed the foods you used to eat. You weren't sure how the man survived without potato chips and cookies. Maybe that's why he looked the way he did. Muscular...

_Nope! No more thoughts! Let's just go get food and book it to the room!_

You forced your eyes away, going to the kitchen to find something. You opened the fridge and found an apple, quickly snatching it and heading up to your room. At this point, you wanted nothing more than to be locked in here until school started back up. Your mind was so conflicted about all this. Maybe it was because he didn't treat you like garbage? That had to be it, right?

You found yourself grabbing your vape, heading to the window and cracking it open. Your hands shook as the smoke began to fill your lungs. What if Derek found out?...Oh God...Derek...You were supposed to be arriving at his house by today...Oh God...What was he going to do to you?

Smoke began to fill the room, your window not being cracked enough to let all the smoke out. You didn't notice though, ultimately just wanting all this to be over. No, you wanted to start over...You wanted to go back and run away from your dad. Then you wouldn't be here. You'd be free from all this. Free from the abuse. Free from the hurt. Free from the confusion. Free from-

"(Y/n)? You okay? You're crying awful loud."

You snapped out of your thoughts and wiped your eyes. You had been crying. How did you not know you were crying? Were you that overwhelmed about all this? This...Stupid situation.

"(Y/n)?"

You swallowed in an attempt to make yourself sound okay. "I'm fine professor. Just...Overwhelmed I guess. I've got a lot on my mind." I mean, you weren't exactly lying. You did have quite a bit on your mind right now.

The sound of the door opening made your heart skip a beat. The door. How could you forget to lock the door?! He was going to see all the smoke and you upset! How could you be so stupid?!

"W-wait!"

Too late. He was in the room now. As expected, he coughed and tried to get some of the smoke away from his face. You felt like shit now and everything came out. Why would he want to be with you now? A low life...Scumbag...Worthless girl like you...Could never be with him. He was going to hate you. Why wouldn't he? You were caught vaping in his house. 

"(Y/n)?" He asked, stepping closer to you. "Are you sure you're okay? You sure don't seem like it." He sat on the end of the bed, carefully taking your vape from you and setting it off to the side. "Don't be afraid to talk to me."

You stared at him. There was so much you wanted to say but couldn't. You couldn't just confess to your professor like this. Not like this. Perhaps if the situation was better? No. Not even then. He was your professor! You couldn't confess even if the situation was perfect! It just wasn't right! Surely he had a family or something far away! There was no way he-

_Bzzz Bzzz_

You both looked to your phone. Derek was calling. Siebren knew quite a bit about Derek from what you had told him. He knew Derek was expecting you to be back for break and he knew you didn't feel safe going back.

"Put it on speaker." He simply said to you, grabbing his phone to record the conversation.

You sniffed and nodded, giving him a moment before answering. Your whole body trembled as you held the phone up between you two. You knew he was miles away but he still scared you so much.

"Bitch where the fuck are you?!" You hadn't even gotten the chance to speak. "You said you would be home today and I don't see your ugly ass car in the driveway!"

"I-I'm sorry..." You choked up. "But...I'm not coming home..."

"Oh hell no! I did not just hear that from you!" The sound of glass breaking was heard. "When you get home after college I'm going to beat the fuck out of you! You pathetic piece of shit! I am the man! I tell you what to do and when to do it!" Something else breaking. "I ought to break your arm like I did last year when you told me you wanted to go to college! You aren't even smart enough!"

By this point, you were sobbing. Derek didn't care though. He kept rambling on about how he was going to hurt you when he saw you again. Siebren recorded every painful moment, trying his best to hold himself together. How could someone like you end up in this situation? You poor thing.

"And you know what's gonna happen after you're strapped to the bed. And this time, that pregnancy test will come back positive so you can't leave me. You'll have to stay with me."

That did it.

"I'm done! I'm not coming home because we're done! Leave me alone and never talk to me again! I'm done with the abuse! I'm done with the torture! I'm done being trapped! As of right now, I am not your girlfriend!" You screamed and hung up, throwing your phone to the side.

Siebren stopped recording and instantly pulled you close. His own heart ached for you in so many ways. He knew it was bad but he didn't know it was that bad. Nearly half an hour you had been on that phone listening to him say everything he was going to do to you. He recorded every second of it too. He was going to make sure this boy was punished for what he did to you.

"Shh. It's okay. I'm right here. He can't hurt you. I won't let him." He said softly to you, rubbing your back and resting his head on top of yours. He took a deep breath when he felt you rest more against his chest, hoping if he remained calm, it would help you. "He's gone. He won't get you. You're safe now."

You just cried harder and held onto your professor. He was all you had at this point. He was your comforter, your protector, your best friend...He was the closest thing you had to just about everything. You just really wished he didn't have to see you like this. He hated seeing you cry. Even if there was a valid reason. Maybe that's why you fell so hard for him. He was everything you wanted in a person and a little more. But it wasn't worth wishing on that star. It wasn't going to happen and you knew it.

You heard him take another deep breath and hold you a little tighter, as if trying to show you that he was genuinely going to protect you. It was comforting. Very comforting. You could feel yourself starting to relax, despite the tears still coming and the sobs still escaping your mouth. You felt safe with him. Very safe. Nothing would happen to you here. Not while he was around...

"I love you (y/n)..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Chapters will be more happy and positive now!


End file.
